Dog Shit

I've got a bone to pick with dog shit. It's not the fact that dogs do shit, that's perfectly normal. My beef with the shit stems from the fact that we as humans find the best thing to do with it is seal it up in plastic bags and forever bury it in the earth. Smug dog owners have been practicing this disposal for decades now, getting high off the fact that they are so responsible they feel no shame grabbing a handful of brown gold and carrying it around for blocks before throwing it in the garbage. Let me ask you this dear dog owner; How responsible is throwing away a sprite bottle full of battery acid, huh? How responsible is letting children play with matches?
It's poop, nature's most potent fertilizer, and here you are preserving it in plastic bags like so many ham sandwich. It's as if we are making a collective effort to prevent the growth of Carbon scrubbing plant life on earth. I would rather have the stank of processed Alpo on my shoe than make another #2 time capsule. This poop bag business is further proof that we don't deserve to live past 2012.
I know that your dog leaving a Hot Carl on a neighbors green grass doesn't really sound like a relationship builder, but if it becomes a big enough problem for him, he'll build a fence. And if you're the super anal type, and can't bring yourself to leave that earth-vitamin laying there, use a glove, a scooper, or even a plastic bag to remove it just please don't seal it up. Throw it in the street, down an alley, or on a roof and let nature take it where it will.




Next month's topic - Cemeteries: What A Fucking Waste Of Space