what i'm buying with $86.

Wicca Starter Kit with Love Spell - $32.99
Lindsay may bear the mark of shame now, but she'll be back in my arms by harvest moon.


Mekong River Eel Wine - $19.05
It's an aphrodisiac that is also used to alleviate back and muscle pain. This is great because sex back pain kills the mood.


Candy Cigarettes 24ct - $6.89
I put these devils down years ago after a fateful diagnosis: Deliciousness of the Lungs. Had my lungs become fully caramelized I wouldn't have made it past elementary graduation, so I quit. But fuck, with the cost of real cigarettes these days Deliciousness is a risk I'm willing to take.


Fergie: The Dutchess album- $10.87
I'm down with Fergs (we go by short names), she bites all my favorite old rap songs. Also she's one of the few women I've ever seen piss their pants and that leaves quite an impression.


10 Pair Socks - $10.00
I always told myself when I made it big I was going to wear a new pair of socks everyday, now that my dreams are becoming reality I can afford this luxury for 10 days. That is unless I happened to step in something wet, then I definitely have to change socks immediately.



I am near the end of my list and realizing all I want is worthless material shit. With exception of the Wicca spells I am sure to learn, there is nothing of substance in my shopping cart. The socks will get worn and tossed away, Fergi will become tiresome and eventually be lent out never to be given back, the candy smokes will be all savored, and the eel wine consumed in a parking lot with nary a friend to share with. So with the remaining money I've decided to invest.

Hawaiian Money Dollar Origami Fold Heart Monetary Gift - $6
What a better way to invest $6 than in one, ornately folded dollar! Some experts may advise that starting out with a -500% return on your investment (never claimed to be a mathematician) is not a solid move, but when I think about all the unfolded bills I will spend in the couple years it takes me to finally hit rock bottom enough to unfold that dollar and spend it, then it just makes sense.


That's it.